I am (happily) married, although it has been a difficult marriage, over time it got better. In short, reason being that my husband, the third of 4 brothers, grew up in a family where conflict was dealt with in an aggressive way – shouting and screaming, attack and defence where the norm. Hardly ever where proper problem solving and calm discussions used to reach agreements.
These ways of handling things turned out to be problematic for our children, especially the eldest son really suffered a lot of trauma due to this. To prevent this was not easy, there was no way to stop, ignore or walk away from negative conflict and to prevent it from rubbing off on our children. I never even considered divorce as this was totally against my beliefs, not God’s will for His children, I believed, only ever a last resort which would have caused its own kind of trauma.
The verbal abuse that my son and I had to put up with left its mark on us. It still hurts to realise that I could not and did not try to protect him from it all. My idea of being the perfect parent flew out the door but I remained hopeful. I was on my knees all along, praying, searching the Bible for answers and believing that God was with us through it all. I pleaded with God, asking if He noticed any of this happening. At times I was flat on my face searching for answers. God’s answer was always that he loved my husband too, that He could not just remove us out of the situation and leave him behind, he needed healing and recovery too. My son did go through a rebellious streak but then found his way back to God again. Today he has a real relationship with God, attends church and walks in forgiveness. I am so grateful that he chose to deal with the hurt in a positive way, it could have been so different, Glory to God.
Today I can testify that, in spite of my rebellion, anger and hurt, God always cherished me, covering me in love and grace, guiding me with His clear rules and ways and showing me His small miracles as I remained in Him. His Word always overflowed with love, encouragement, guidance and peace. I read the Bible as if every word was meant for me personally, highlighting His clear guidelines as I came across it. I could hide away in His presence, He protected and led me. During sermons in church I found hope and love in the messages received. I received forgiveness and knew exactly what was expected of me, His guidance was clear and straight forward.
In Him we were triumphant.
As newlyweds we had to start at the bottom, with a struggling farm. Today we are blessed with a booming, prosperous farming business, four beautiful children, 2 boys and 2 girls, we are living our lives in peace, joy and total forgiveness. Now my husband is calm and loving, with good, solid relationships with his children. He often and easily tells all of us that he loves us.
Praise God, In Him we are victorious!
I received the promise of God in Isaiah 44: 3-5: “I will pour out My Spirit on your offspring, and My blessing on your descendants. They will spring up like grass in a meadow, like poplar trees by flowing streams. One will say: ’I belong to the Lord:’…”
And Psalm 23: 2-3: “He makes me lie down in green pastures, He leads me beside quiet waters, He restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for His Names’ sake.”
I took this to heart and know that it will come to pass.
Elsa
