I Blamed God…but He Forgave me

On Monday morning, 11 February 1980, my son, Gerrie, 7 years old and a Grade 2 learner in Dagbreek Primary School, Carltonville, was hit by a car and fell off his bike. The school bus, driven by the Principal, Mr Oberholzer, could not stop in time and the back wheel of the bus went over Gerrie and killed him. He was on his way to school with his sister, then 12 years old. This was the first time he went to school on his bicycle which his dad gave him the Friday before. This was a tremendous shock to me and I could not deal with it.

I blamed God and my husband for Gerrie’s death! I completely lost my faith. “God is called a God of love but if this was the case why did He allow this much hurt in our lives?” was my constant cry. After the funeral I went in for an ulcer operation, I felt no physical pain as my spiritual and emotional pain totally dominated any physical pain I could possibly have had.

The loss of a child caused a rift between my husband and I. We got divorced on 4th of August 1982. I mostly blame myself as I still blamed him and could not get over Gerrie’s death. In 1985, at a mere 35 years old, I suffered a severe stroke as my body could not cope with the two mayor shocks and losses. At the time I lived with my parents. A lack of balance after the stroke meant that I had to learn how to walk and talk again.

At the time I was so bitter towards God, I refused to go to church with my parents, even turned the radio off when a sermon would start.

It was only when my Dad passed away that I realised my mistake and pleaded with God to forgive me. Later I lost my mother as well, which meant that, for a while I drifted around aimlessly until I ended up in my current flat.

I will forever be thankful to God, for a second chance, that He forgave me and that He is my constant companion, helping me to cope with the severe loss of a child, something that I still struggle with daily.

All glory to God.

Lora Coetzer

 

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