When people look at me they see someone beautiful with whom everything is normally ok and prosperous. Little do they know that I have always been struggling with low self-esteem and inferiority, nothing severe but always in the back of my mind? This causes me to react with hurt and feelings of rejection to something as simple as not being invited to a friend’s daughter’s wedding, for whatever the reason may have been. I never show these feelings of hurt and rejection and always pretend that everything is fine. On the first Sunday after this incident, as I was sitting in church feeling hurt and rejected but showing nothing on the outside, the lovely message from God, given by the minister filled my soul. God’s unconditional love, acceptance and Grace just washed over me causing me to burst into uncontrollable tears. I cried because I felt hurt, because I push people away, but most of all because I became intensely aware of God’s indescribable and unconditional love for me. I felt Him sitting next to me, looking at me and pleading: “See yourself, daughter, as I see you. To me you are perfect and exactly how I wanted you. Look at yourself through My eyes.” He repeated that message over and over again and all I could do was to weep for the overflowing love that I felt in that moment.
A few weeks later a spiritual Hadassa festival was hosted for the women in our hometown. I looked forward to attending. Upon arrival we each received a sealed envelope with a gift inside which was prayed over beforehand, trusting God that everyone will receive exactly the right gift in her envelope. Later I opened my envelope with trepidation, weary of receiving some kind of instruction or warning. “What does God want to tell me? Does He want me to change in any way?” I was thinking. To my amazement I received a gold chain in my envelope! I heard God saying: “I don’t want you to change in any way, I just want to put this chain around your neck because, to Me, you are a queen.” I had to share this in a testimony, with so many others sharing that they received answers or other confirmations from God.
Two weeks later, at the reunion of the festival, we each received a broach with our names and the meaning of the names written on them. My name meant “Royal”. So many of the ladies commented on the day that it was perfect confirmation of the message I received from God at the festival.
I need nothing more to confirm that I belong to Him, perfect the way I am.
My prayer is to live a worthy life, as a spiritual queen, focused on pleasing God. Sometimes I still struggle but with His help I am able.
Glory to God.
Elsa
